How to make your Honda go faster
I brought home my new 99 Civic EX. I went cruising that night but it just didn't seem fast enough?!?!?!
I checked the engine to make sure it was still there???
I made sure the tires were inflated correctly!
Everything inside seems to be right!?!?!
So, I talked to my 2 boyzzzz who know cars. I said "Why is my honda so slow????"
They said you need new bumpers, those stock bumpers are not fast enough.
Out with the slow bumpers and in with the new. My boyz said I didn't have to paint the bumpers yet and I could drive around with them only primered, but my body shop, backroom-paints, said I should paint them now, so I did, thanks dad for the loan.
The car seemed a little faster after the bumper swap but still not fast enough. My boyz suggested I cut my springs.
They also said get rid of the quiet exhaust and put a fart can on, so I did!
My boyz also said I should put a cold air intake in and a upperstrut bar (whatever the hell that does). So I did!!!
Then they said, SIDE SKIRTS MAN, SIDE SKIRTS!!! and WHEELS, I said I can't afford all 4 wheels, so my boyz said get 2 for the rear and when u can afford the other 2 get them, so I did.
Now I got all 4 wheels!!!
After all that, my honda still didn't seem fast enough. Cold air intake and strut bar thingy.
Fart can exhaust!!!
So my boyz said yo man u need race seats that don't match your interior. So I got these hot red sparcos. That shoulld make the car fast!!!
UH huh they look nice.
I told my boyz that all this stuff still isn't making my honda fast, and I'm not getting the honeys. Is there anything left I can do. They thought long and hard.
And one said I KNOW!!!! STICKERSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEAH we put stickers all over the car half on the hood half on fender, on the windshield, rear wing, side of the car. This thing is going to be FAST
AHHHHH yeah, my honda is fast now, I'm winning races and getting the honeys!!!!!
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