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How Punny is this????
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Author:  Maliboost [ Mar Wed 21, 2007 9:36 am ]
Post subject:  How Punny is this????
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

* The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.
[That's a story that lens itself to laughter.]

* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat miner.

* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

* A boiled egg is hard to beat.

* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

* His parents thought he was a budding genius, but he turned out to be a blooming idiot.

* A plateau is a high form of flattery.

* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

* Acupuncture: a jab well done


Bob
Author:  bfnjz52 [ Mar Wed 21, 2007 1:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Image
Author:  Maliboost [ Mar Wed 21, 2007 2:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
ROFLMBO. Dick that was the funniest thing Ive seen all week.

bob
Author:  bfnjz52 [ Mar Wed 21, 2007 2:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Your pet's diary
Your pet's diary

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt
for rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I
was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of
my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously
retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
safe...for now.
Author:  RICK MILLER [ Mar Wed 21, 2007 2:25 pm ]
Post subject: 
LMAO!!! :lol:
Author:  Maliboost [ Mar Wed 21, 2007 2:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
that was funny as heck, we have 1 1/2 cats, so i can relate.

bob
Author:  kickin_astro [ Mar Thu 22, 2007 12:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Maliboost wrote:
that was funny as heck, we have 1 1/2 cats, so i can relate.

bob


I can't help myself, I just have to ask what 1 1/2 cats is????
Author:  jacobgiles [ Mar Thu 22, 2007 12:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
one is pregnant?
Author:  Maliboost [ Mar Thu 22, 2007 12:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
one cat belongs to us, the other cat belongs to someone else & comes & goes as he see's fit (or as he gets hungry. LOL).

Bob
Author:  darlagiles [ Mar Thu 22, 2007 12:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
we have kids in our neighborhood that are like that. :lol:
Author:  Maliboost [ Mar Thu 22, 2007 12:59 pm ]
Post subject: 
darlagiles wrote:
we have kids in our neighborhood that are like that. :lol:


that sounds like us growing up. we would go over to whoevers house had the food we wanted to eat. LOL.

Bob
Author:  RICK MILLER [ Mar Thu 22, 2007 1:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
darlagiles wrote:
we have kids in our neighborhood that are like that. :lol:


Gee that sounds like my house :lol:
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