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This morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my left, and there was a...
woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph
with her face up next to her rear view mirror
putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds
and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane,
still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver,
which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion
of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering
wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the
coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins,
ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers,
and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers
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