A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't
seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg?" Says the bartender "You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a
cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What
happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and
got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook
but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds
flew over. I looked up, and one of them do-do in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just
from bird do-do."
"It was my first day with the hook." 
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