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Story of a Technologically Challenged Senior...


I ran a business with 1,800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter. But....

I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space..

That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and I got a little loud.

I mean, the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-ul-ating" You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GSP lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves, but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop.

I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused but I never remember to take them in with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look.

_________________
Dick MacKenzie

''Life's tough......it's even tougher if you're stupid.'' -- John Wayne

Could be worse -

Imagine if you still had kids in the house.

Maybe I already told you all this - but I came home the other day and the doorknob was gone off the front door.

As any good maintenence man/father would do I asked "...anybody know what happened to the front door knob?"



NOBODY knew anything. That has been over a month now and to this day NO ONE has confessed to knowing what happened.

I suggested that maybe the lady across the street came and got it when we weren't looking, or maybe the UPS man grabbed it and took off (since he's at our house so often anyway). They didn't think that was funny.

It just seems like there are some questions that should not have to be asked. It would be like coming home and the kitchen sink is gone and when asked - no one knowing what happened to the kitchen sink.



At any rate, we have a door in our bedroom (second floor) that steps out onto a balcony that we never use. Since our house is an "antique" all of the door knobs and lock plates are vintage and not easy to replace. I stole the doorknob off that one to put on the front door, so at least now I can enter and exit my own house.

I still am thinking about hiring a private detective to find out what happened to the other one.

Come on Keith, you know who did it, it was whatever four legged furry animal you may have in the house

_________________
Shannon
http://www.laurerracing.com

Oh, man - don't EVEN get me going on my little four legged friends...



If that's the case, then yesterday they really raised the bar:

I got home from work and my wife said: "...notice anything?".

Desperate, I started looking around and replied "...uhm, you got your hair cut?"

"No (dummy)" she said "...the car is not here".

Oh, yeah, right - I did notice that.

She proceeded to tell me that it has a flat tire and that it is sitting in the parking lot at the school in Auburn Hills. Obviously the reason she is telling me this is NOT because she is going to go up there and change the tire.

So - I loaded up the right tools and the floor jack, threw them into the truck and headed up to Auburn Hills. Remember, this is last night: when the wind chill was something like 3 below.

Naturally, it took about 30 seconds to change the tire and have the car roadworthy. BUT - here's the kicker - while I am rearranging the stuff in the trunk - THERE'S MY ALSTON/CHASSISWORKS ANGLE INCLINOMETER!! In the trunk of her car!

So, when I got home, everyone was sitting in the living room (next to a very pleasant fire in the fireplace, I might add). As is my custom I asked if anyone knew why my ALSTON/CHASSISWORKS ANGLE INCLINOMETER was in the trunk of Mom's car.

Care to guess their responses? Nobody knew anything. As expected. I don't know why I even bother to ask.

It just keeps getting weirder and weirder around here.

i did it!


**giggles and runs off

Dang! Should have thought of that....

















HEY! YOU! COME BACK WITH THAT!!

hahaha